There are days when I just get so tired of it. Tired of all the small details that take all of my spiritual strength and make me want to blow up into astral dust!
This Mystic is depressed. This Mystic is tired of the juggling act. This Mystic keeps wondering why I am trying to hold onto things, when they are the very item that is keeping me from being happy. Have you ever noticed that when you are single, there is really no one else you have to worry about, but yourself.
When you enter into a relationship, you find that your Universe crashes into theirs. Things get jumbled. I find myself in turmoil because I am usually calling the shots. I say when it is time to go. I am in charge of my level of happiness. Well, I am not happy.
I am having a hard time understanding why I am here. At this very point on my spiritual journey. Why this certain place? Why this certain building? Why this area? Why am I finding so many issues? Why am I having to be positive?
Sometimes I want to complain. Sometimes I want to just drop the ball and say "Oh well". Everyone else around me seems to be doing it, but that's okay. I have to be compassionate. Well who is being compassionate towards me?
I miss my support group. I am tired of spinning the wheels on my Bigwheel and finding that I am still at the start of the race.
I decided to make a change. I decided to make a move. I had to have faith that everything would work out in my favor. So, here I am, shaking my fist at Source and stating "What the heck are you trying to tell me?"
How can I turn it around?
There. That was my moment of complaining. Where I get to take the damn puzzle, mix it all up, and start all over again. That was my reset button.
The card of the day is Wisdom or the Hierophant. The hidden energy card is the Devil. The card sits in the position of Kitchen = Creation.
What wisdom am I trying to create in order to break through my Ego?
What wisdom do I already have that will propel me forward?
Sometimes you have to let go and trust that things will just work out. Not only will they work out but they will work out in your favor.
When I was learning how to perform a cork screw with my hula hoop, I found that I was trying to grip the hoop as I brought it up above my head. That was a big no-no. You have to let the hoop turn and your hand is just the guide. The guide that lifts the hoop to its destination. If you grip it, then it will surely stop the momentum, and you find yourself getting smacked by the hoop. When will you learn?
I would get so frustrated and would really want to give up. To throw the damn hoop off a high building and watch it explode.
I did not do that. I picked it back up and noticed when I was gripping. I noticed when I was not gripping. I felt my way into the move. I had to have a lot of confidence. I had to accept the fact that the hoop could hit me. That I will mess up the trick and get smacked.
After a while I would state "So what!"
I had to keep on trying. Keep on turning. Keep on feeling.
Sometimes, the Mystic, will place certain covers on the physical senses. Cover our nose, in order to enhance our hearing. Cover our eyes, in order to enhance our sense of smell. Tie our hands together, in order to enhance our sense of energy. Restrain our whole body, so that our spirit will learn to fly.
Could this be a day of restraint? I think so. I think that our Ego wishes it could restrain every part of our body and make us think that we are not worthy of existing. We are not worthy of good.
This is my lesson. To press the reset button. To return to that which I was before...of good. Of love. Worthy of greatness.