Tuesday 6.18.13:The card of the day is the Devil. The hidden energy card is the World. The position that the card sits in is Nettle = boundaries and caution.
This year has really been about the damn Ego and all of it's bullshit. It flings it at us when we have just taken a bath. The Ego throws all of this turmoil our way, to watch us either react or not react. Either way he is getting what he wants. He is getting our attention.
One by one, the stone is hitting us on the face. Small pebbles of reality and illusion. Just smacking us upside the head. We do not let it phase us at first, but eventually it gets to us, and in the end we lash out.
There is only so much a person can take on. Why are we required to always stay positive?
There is a difference of being ignorant positive and spiritual positive.
People are always stating, "Well you have to stay positive. Look at the bright side."
No. You look at the bright side! You may like what you do and how your life is going, but I am not going to subject my spirit to confinement. I am not going to be told that you have to do this and that is the final word.
I did not work on my self, grow in so many ways, and be told to return to the person who I was, before.
You stay stagnant! You stay in your life and be happy! I am going to move onto bigger and brighter things. I always come out on top. I can choose to leave or stay. This is my right. Money will come and money will go. Contracts are written and contracts can be broken. We break our very spiritual contract, everyday that we do not live within alignment of our Divine Plan.
Have you ever noticed that people come and go with a job. You look at them rise above the rest and then leave for something wonderful. What if I am just playing a game, because I am scared of the wonderful possibility of success, if I was to venture out on my own. Create my business. Create my life.
Why do I think that my gift is not worth anything. I see it every time I aid someone on their journey. I see the information flow. I see the connection happen.
Maybe I am just complaining. Maybe I should just pick up a few of my clothes and leave. Get in my car and drive home. Drive back to my place of sanctuary. People do it all the time. People try, find out that it was not for them, so they pick up and leave. Leave their space of stagnant water and drive. Drive to a new destination. Some may think that you will always be a nomad, but I have seen many nomads travel the world and settle down in the very spot that they were born to thrive in. At the perfect time. In the their own perfect way. As if all the mistakes and mishaps, formed and molded that very moment of clarity, into shear perfection. Without every fall or clumsy mess, there would not have been the perfect opportunity of light.
Why do we subject our spirit to the torture of being dimmed by others. As if they are holding a candle snuffer and waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it. We see it behind their back and yet we proceed with the journey.
I am only tricking myself. I am only tricking myself, if I choose to stay in one spot, to see what happens, and then be advised to keep trying it. To keep trying what? To keep hitting my head against the wall?
To keep going in circles?
Have you ever heard someone tell you, that when you are lost within the woods, to keep walking?
Keep walking in different directions, so that someone can find you?
I doubt it.
People always advise you to stay in one spot, if you are lost, so that you can be found. Find shelter and seek safety. Hold your spot if nature allows it and have faith that they will find you. Shine your light. I am tired of searching for my perfection. It might have very well been in Ventura. I am always searching and walking, that I allow nothing to truly find me.
This part of my life may have been a safe harbor at one time, but something keeps telling me that it is time. Time again to pick up and leave. There are more important things in this life. More important than being secure financially. It is false. It is a false process. It would suck to always think that you have to make money in order to exist.
I need to come to terms with the fact, that I have been trying to fit my spirit into a job, that is not me. Into a position that is not part of my life, anymore.
I find myself stating "I do not know".
I should be stating "I want to know".
Source give me the answer. Make it known.
What if this whole time, Source has been giving me the answer? To get up and leave. To move. To get what is needed, not wanted and accumulated, and leave.
What if my resistance to all of this is causing me this pain and hurt. This frustration. This state of unhappiness. If you were to ask me what I want to do at this very moment, it would be to get up and walk the F*ck out! Who cares! To pack up my clothes and just walk away. The lease will end. I will find a job. I will work three jobs to pay back the debt that has been created and be new again. Be happy. Be home.
Sometimes the cards speak of more than the surface of things. At this moment I am in struggle with my Ego. With my wall.
It is time to end the year of the Ego with a party. A celebration. To state "Stop it!" and move forward.