The card of the day is Fertility = The Empress. The hidden energy card is the Lovers. The card sits in the position of Water = emotions, initiation, and rejuvenation.
I woke up, with the expectation, of registering for classes and receiving a Pell Grant, in order to return to school and finish my Associates Degree.
Expectations will only lead to Disappointment. Remember this lesson. We must never expect a certain situation to happen in a certain way. This would cause us to be disappointed with the outcome. If you were expecting a chocolate cake for your Birthday and received Carrot Cake (which you hate) then surely you would be disappointed.
If you were expecting 20 people for a dinner party and 50 show up, then surely you would be disappointed.
Disappointment is the act of regret. Regret is the act of thinking "lack of".
I will get to the energy of today after I write about a few of my feelings. Today is about feelings and emotions.
I really do want to write a book about how a Mystic gets depressed and that we are not always full of positive thoughts.
The book would be about how to get past the initial feelings of loss. The initial feelings of regret. The initial feelings of "lack of". The book would be geared towards everyone who wishes to advance in their spiritual practice. It would advise them on what certain things may feel like, according to my experience, and how I worked through it.
I do not wake up everyday with great joy in my heart. I also deal with thoughts of worry, doubt, and fear.
Sometimes I want to sit in my own self pity and cry. It is only natural. We are all human.
I woke up with an expectation, and when that expectation was not met, I started to go off on a rampage. I complained. I lifted up my fist at the sky and shook it very hard at Source. I was very hurt. I wanted to cry.
Have you ever wanted to go out on the pier, or climb a tall mountain, and throw rocks at the sky, in hope that it will get Source's attention by poking him/her in the eye.
"Now that I have your attention Source. Can you please help me? This being of light that has been listening to every command that you state. This wonderful person who is willing to give up all that is material, in order to aid others on their journey. Ya! This person who only wishes to be happy. This Mystic needs a fellow Mystic to talk with. Can you please pay a little more attention to me?"
Even children of God need a little Source Time.
Now that I think about it. If I was given two minutes of time with Source's undivided attention, I would not talk about my problems. I would just sit in silence and know that everything is perfect. I may complain now and wish that I could walk right up to Source and state that I am upset, but in all of It's greatness, I would surely be filled with only love. The small things that I am complaining about are non important. They are simply items.
This is how I work through my Ego. This is how I work through my doubt. I would imagine myself bringing it up to Source and in turn they just do not seem so big. They are not that important.
I am living. I still exist. I am still here. Everything works out in my favor. I know this is Truth. I am simply trying to be like that boulder in the river. The one that sits and wants the current flow of energy to stop.
I must allow all things to take place and know that there is only good in my life.
Now. Back to the energy of the day.
The energy is about emotions. Female energy. Abundance. Today is about everything working out in your favor. So what if you did not get to register for college today. So what?! So what, if you did not get the job you wanted. So what?!
The path is still ahead of you. You are still walking. It is okay to throw a fit. It is okay to be mad. It is okay to try and throw rocks at Source's eye. In the end we are still loved. We are still blessed. Source does not look at us and state "oh he is being a real Asshole. I am going to put him in a time out. "
We put our self in a time out. It is when we are in worry, in doubt, and in fear that we are sitting in a corner. Source is the one who asks us every second "Are you ready to receive love?"